*WARNING: There will be some sap in here towards the end.*
I am still having an internal struggle about being labeled a “married person.” It’s still really freaking weird to me. My entire life, the word “married” was synonymous with “parent…grandparent…grown up.” I don’t want to be any of those things for a good long while and it’s really starting to sink in that I’m getting married 2 weeks from yesterday.
Naturally, I talked with Jay about it. He takes my struggle personally even though he knows he shouldn’t. “I know I shouldn’t feel this way about it, but when you say you struggle with ‘the stigma of marriage,’ it feels like you struggle with the idea of marrying ME.”
I’m slowly realizing that marriage is not the same for everyone. The ceremonies tend to be similar (especially where a church is concerned) and people get married in similar WAYS but the actual marriages vary from couple to couple.
Every couple feels this way about their relationship, but our relationship is so unique, so special, no one in the world can experience what we do with each other. I don’t know why I feel that should change when we get married. If anything, it should become MORE so, which is definitely something to look forward to. We are kids together. We play with each other. He is my best friend and I am his. I would capture the moon for him if he asked me to, I love him that much. (What he would do with the moon I have no idea. Where would we even put it?)
But as I sit in my corner typing this out, he sleeps in our bed after working early this morning. It’s cool in here and the light through the window slants softly into the bedroom onto our rug that we immediately claimed “really ties the room together” as soon as we unrolled it. In these moments I know I am where I’m supposed to be.
Hair, decorations, cake and music kind of pale in comparison.
Holy Matrimony! 